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Title: speechless
Fandom: Gazette
Pairing: Reituki

short then written to current events ...
Inspired by the FA "RnR" by 0kiwi0.
The rest is explained either by itself, at the end or not.

.......................

When I finally found his eruption was almost two hours ago.
two hours in which I had first tried Uruha (and the other two) to calm down, and then had searched almost all the places he used elsewhere, when he wanted to hide from anything.
two hours that seemed like at least two nights combined. It is a horrible feeling when you are looking for someone, while the city around you in the Night disappears.

Had I known that he would just wait outside my door, I would have gone there directly there.
But I did not know it, so I was shocked and relieved at the same time.

Although I emphasized walked slowly to him, he seemed not to notice. Or he would not.
No movement when I sat down myself to him. He just stared on the floor by his feet.
"Hey ..."
No answer.
"Where were your shoes off?"
Bare feet on cold way. The few blades of grass between the pavement cracks were covered with small ice particles. If he sat there the whole time had, he would lie in bed sick tomorrow.
After a while a slight nod to the left, looked up without the eyes. In the shadow of the wall I could see are his current favorite pair of carelessly on the cold ground.
"Why did not you to it, huh?" To say
, he trembled like a leaf, would be an underestimate. No wonder ... In freezing temperatures without a coat, scarf and gloves.
I felt like I was talking with a young child who did not even know that it had made a mistake. Or a child that, while knowing that it had made a mistake, however, where it was hard to cope.

only with the difference that he was a grown man. And just silent.

"You know, we were worried."
Made? I was still worried.
He probably knew this very well.
But just because you know something that does not mean that you can continue to use that information. Finally, I knew well that he would not answer these questions because he is now just simply not wanted.
The simplest would probably have been, "Let's go inside" to say. Instead
:

"kid, you're cold you so and you will catch your death. Take at least the jacket, right? "I waited
not think he replied. There would be no answer came before, or a shake of the head. So I took off my jacket and laid it over his shoulders.
For a while nothing happened.

"Ruki. Please. "

but then finally move, rustle of fabric. His coat I had in my haste to try to find him as quickly as possible, in the rehearsal room are allowed.
"Well see?"
Sometimes he had these moments where he acted as so many helpless infant. Then there was nothing to do with it, and somehow it hurt to see him like that. Recently, there were these moments more often.

"It is an attempt to withdraw. Or Way of saying: I just can not continue. "Once
Ruki had tried to explain it this way. And then he had an "I do not know ..." is added and snuggled up to me, as if to say: ". I'm sorry"

? Will not you tell me what is going on "
Furthermore remained head down. I would like to have seen his eyes, but his pony was standing in the way of.
"Ruki? You know that I'm not talking about just now. "
His pale hand took a bit of strength to the fabric of the jacket.
something. Sometimes I really had the feeling that he no longer listened. At least not today. But today was
one of those days where you needed a more patient, for which I really was not the man. One of those days where you could destroy so much, unless you had the patience.

Kai would be better suited for such days. The
talked and laughed while much more, but when it mattered, he was the one who waited for hours and not say a word too much.
On those days I often wished that I would be the same.
But Kai was not Reita, Reita and Kai even less. Sorry, but this fact I could not change.
I had something to change the fact that Reita Ruki always embraced those moments and different from its apathy ( you could call it sometimes does not really) got ...
But for that I should have said Ruki things I did not tell him.

He said still no word, but I noticed that he sniffled quietly.
"If I do not know what's going on, I can not do anything, right? You know that I want to help you, but for this you have to help me ... Ruki-chan. "
I did not like it when he cried.
I did not like it when he had those moments.
And certainly I did not like it when he cried as he had those moments.
He was a helpless child, and I felt like the most even looser mother. Or the father.
depends.

It is cruel to look someone in the dark.
But somehow it's more cruel to find it and weep to see.
Especially if that someone is more important than one's own heart.
And if you do not even know why you had to look for him and why he was crying.

"Now ... Uruha-kun is bad, ... is not it? He is angry now ... on me ... "
interrupted by small sobs that one sensed more than heard.
I shook my head, brought it difficult to smile, he did not even see. He was still looking at the floor.
"no. But Uruha-kun is worried about you. And Aoi-kun, and Kai-kun also. All of us. Because it is so bad you ... "
Again no answer, only a movement in which he put on his knees, his arms drumgeschlungen. Now more than ever like a child.
I had to think on his feet, which is still in contact with the cold ground. If
Ruki was sick, he was tiring.

There's this wisdom that sick men can feel sorry for yourself and care for their wives.
In this respect he was more than just a prime example. If Ruki was sick, he was addicted to attention as Aoi best.
Then put not only him, but I like to do so. Uruha had often shake your head about it, but always acknowledged with a smile, when I apologized.

I decided to tie him also my scarf.
His skin was very cold. But at least he did it.
"Rei
...?"" I'm here. "
" I'm sorry. "
He looked at not always, his voice trembling slightly. No louder than a whisper.
"You do not need. What about your shoes? "Actually, I would
it easy to lift and carry into the house can. He probably had not even fought. That would have been also much faster.
But I wanted him got up on its own.
"... I do not know. I was angry ... "
"Hm .. Why to whom? "
Another brief silence.
"Because ... I yelled at Uruha-kun. Because I've hurt him determined. But I did not want to do ... That's why I was angry ... "
" On you. And that is why your shoes are now back there? Small, you really fetch you death. "
shrug.
"Worth it?"
"No, and you know that it was not about Uruha, not about the set list for the next concert. And" And all the other times not.
nothing more than a presumption, which I hoped she was wrong. Because I would have otherwise needed a new explanation.

"... Have you ever afraid? "
" That depends on what. What fear do you mean? "
movement towards me. I felt his arms around my neck, his face against my neck. He was no longer crying, his cheeks were dry.
His back was cold from the wall, where he had been leaning.
"Before that everything is too much. The fact that we all that no longer meet. The fact that sometime I forget who I am and to tell you I love you. Before that we had all really important at some point and forget only hope that the thousands of people out there, their money is too good for us ... "
My short silence him raise his head again. A sad smile.
"I talk nonsense, right?"
In reply, he got a kiss on the forehead.
"no. But you know, before we all fear. "
Another.
"And ... as long as you're afraid to forget your feelings, you'll remember who you are. So it is perhaps not as bad as you think right now. "
" Yes, maybe ... but sometimes it is so great that I do not know what to say ... say what I wanted and I wanted to express it. "
" Then you say nothing. We must speak not always to be understood. "
" Yes, maybe ... "
I gently shook his head. But nothing could have brought something to say.

"Rei
...?"" Hm? "
" I'm cold. And you have no jacket on. "
" Because you have the. Let's go inside, yes? Today you will stay here. "
slow getting up, he felt his way cautiously going to get the remaining equipment.
"Thanks."
"No problem."
"not for d-"
"I know."

.......................

Yes, yes, as I said. Dahingedribbelt only briefly, it was spontaneous.
As I said, of recent events, it was missing only the inspiration, to process it somehow.
do not know if it was understandable and so (I hope). Time I would settle in the current period, but rather towards REGRET / Filth in the beauty. In any case, Dreads * laughs * Because I love Ruki's dreads. (No, because the FA of which I speak with dreads is.)
Hm .. Was what?
Oh yes, for those who have not read out (as I said, I do not know if it was understandable enough) - they are a bit longer together, ne ...

blabla ... Thanks for reading.

(RnR rocks.
Had to be said.)